Looking to the future.....

Do you know when something is so precious to you that you can barely stand to share it with the world?  It's just utterly magic?  Something that is just such an incredible gift that you can barely believe that you have such an amazing and beautiful thing in your life?

Well, that explains why I didn't blog for such a long time.

From the minute my daughter and son-in-law told me they were expecting their first child, I was beyond thrilled.  And, I must admit....uncharacteristically fearful.  What was I afraid of?  It's hard to explain.  It was too good to be true.  Something would go wrong.  What would it be?  Difficult labor?  Premature birth?  Undeveloped lungs?  Gestational diabetes?

Believing I had an adversarial relationship with the fates, I just laid low in lots of ways.  I purchased and had monogrammed some lovely newborn clothes.  But it was difficult for me to really imagine that it was going to really happen.

I had longed for it.  But suddenly I couldn't really buy into the idea that I would be a grandmother and get to gaze into the eyes of a child that my very own child birthed.

It was too much, yall.

Then, one Saturday morning....with none of the previously worried about drama.....Lily Kate arrived.  11 days early and in such a hurry that her Mom and Dad barely made it to the hospital.  She was precariously close to being born in a Love's Convenience Store restroom!

I arrived at the hospital about 40 minutes after her birth to find my gorgeous daughter nursing her sweet little bundle.  She saw me and was laughing and crying at the same time.

"Mommy, I have a baby"

As I look into the eyes of my oldest child, I was filled with love and gratitude for her strength, her health, her dedication to this brand-new life.  I remembered the day of her birth, all the joy and fun she has brought me.  My own father called her a "free thinker".  He would've been thrilled on this day.

Then, after assuring myself that my own baby was well, I looked into the eyes of my first grandchild.

Oh my.  The wonder.

She looked so familiar.  And kind of like she had a secret.

I was unequivocally in love.

My baby with her baby

Already looks like has things in control.

Two days old

First photo shoot at NEST

Visiting me at work

Wearing Uncle Chase's hat

She 16 months old now....and only now can I write about her publicly in this way.  She has changed my life.  I regret my time worrying rather than happily anticipating and preparing for this incredible experience.